Meaning of Life

I'm not the light; I'm not the source of the light. I am simply a broken mirror fragment. But if I allow the sun shine on my mirror fragment, it is amazing what light I can bring into darkness - and by that I mean truth, understanding, humor, joy... That is the meaning of life.
Taken from a story told by Luci Swindall, Focus on the Family broadcast "Choosing to be Joyful" part 1, August 27, 2009. 

The Mysterious Adventure...

I was still playing with Barbies when I realized that the 'dating game' wasn't something I was interested in. I remember a conversation with one of my friends, discussing whether or not Barbie & Ken should go on a date, and if there were any other options for finding a husband. When I was 14, a friend introduced me to the concept of courtship, a principle further enforced into my mindset through one of my favorite book series as a young teen (The Journals of Corrie Bell Hollister), through various Focus on the Family episodes, the book I Kissed Dating Goodbye, and many other places and means throughout the years. I was firmly convinced that, in God's timing, my husband would arrive in my life, and we would establish a strong freindship before proceeding through the next phase of our relationship surrounded by family and friends providing accountability and advice. My hope was never to even enter into a relationship until I was confident that the man in question was, if not definitely the guy I would marry, at least a very good possibility.

Now, at 27, I still cling to what my heart desired as a young girl.

There is a question developing. My family & friends are increasingly interested in me finding someone to share my life with. My roommates tease me, my pastor gently tries to nudge me along. What is the right answer? Is it time to take proactive steps in this journey, or is God still calling me to wait and be patient? Options are available; EHarmony and other online matchmaking sights abound, there are eligible young men in churches in our network. I really do believe that God is writing my love story (as yet another book ["When God Writes Your Love Story" by Eric & Leslie Ludy] explains!) But how is He writing it? What chapter am I on? What will this plot look like as it develops?

I don't know the answers to these questions. I desire to follow His leading, regardless of what that might be. At the same time, however, my heart yearns for a man to step forward, identify me as someone of value, and choose to pursue me, with no prior action required on my part. I want to be sought after - not having to search. I want to be discovered, not thrown in someone's path. The people around me are telling me that's not realistic, that it was ok to hope for that in my teens & early 20's, but it's time to grow up and face reality. What is God saying? I really don't know yet.

Stress

I have a stressful job. Most people familiar with any university system will generally tell you that they know the Financial Aid system is stressful, or that they're glad they don't work there. Then there are the people unfamiliar with the inner workings of a college; intelligent people, who have no idea that they're asking an idiotic question: "So, do you get your summers (or Spring Break, Christmas break, etc) off? What do you do during those times?"

My coworkers repeat those conversations with everything from laughter to frustration to resentment lingering in their voices...

And then there is Fall. I realized last week that fall is a four-letter word, then quickly felt semi-guilty. I'm not using it as a swear word, I just realized that I could.

Fall is a time of dread, a season that creates tales of lore. The context usually refers to the first 4 weeks or so of the semester, a period in which mayhem is closely adverted and the brave tremble to walk.

Fall is here.

My lunch breaks are no longer a guarantee... barely an expectation. Overtime is almost forbidden, yet longed and pleaded for. The fact that we can't get into the office until a few minutes before the doors open at 8:00am causes endless frustration. Lines of scared, frustrated, & confused students await. Processing backs up, paperwork accumulates, and woe surrounds the person who was not completely caught up ahead of time.

In the midst of this, while still trying to maintain my normally busy/full work schedule, I am now responsible for training and supervising 3 temporary staff who barely know what they're doing. Our 10 student employees (also my jurisdiction) are back, and need schedules confirmed, paperwork updated, and need the dress code/policies/updates refreshed & reminded to them. My boss is trying to rely on me to help her hold the entire office together and functioning as a well oiled unit, while I'm still trying to learn the balance of how much authority I really have among my coworkers. Speaking of whom, one of them just turned in her two week notice. Wonderful timing.

In the midst of it all, I'm amazed to feel an underlying peace. Someone's praying for me, I think... Thank you, to whoever you are!

Starting Off

I like to keep in touch: not just with my family and friends, but also with God & with my heart, emotions and thoughts. I'm not generally very good at doing so with any of the before mentioned, so am going to try taking a stab at this 'online journaling' thing. I would love to have the people in my life follow along and (hopefully!) enjoy my ramblings and processing, but will see if this proves beneficial to myself personally even if no one else pays attention.

Let the fun begin!