My New Favorite Christmas Song

Christmas This Year 

Christmas This Year - TobyMac [Feat. Leigh Nash]

As fall rides off in the sunset/
Sweep the snow from my doorstep/
I just can't help but stop and grin/
It’s like I'm ten years old again/
And everywhere I go I can feel it/
some say it moves like a spirit/

It falls on us once a year/
Like it came on a midnight clear/
Its all love/ the season is a gift/
when love came down to let us live/
Lets open up and let our hearts embrace this moment/

[chorus]
For Christmas this year/
Gonna make a sound gonna make it loud/
We're gonna make some noise let the world rejoice/
for ChristMas this year/
for Christmas/
For Christmas this year/

The Laughter starts/
before the sunrise/
I sneak downstairs before sunrise/
and oh what joy it brings to me/
our family around our Christmas Tree/
And I thank the lord for his favor/
As we sing the songs of the savior/ (our savior)

Its all love/ the season is a gift/
when love came down to let us live/
Lets open up and let our hearts embrace this moment/

[chorus]
For ChristMas this year/
Gonna make a sound gonna make it loud/
We're gonna make some noise let the world rejoice/
for ChristMas this year/
for Christmas/
For Christmas this year/

Holy Holy holy/
God is coming near/
onto us a savior born/
on a midnight clear/

Holy Holy holy/
God is coming near/
onto us a savior born/
on a midnight clear/


[chorus]
For Christmas this year/
Gonna make a sound gonna make it loud/

for Christmas this year/
We're gonna make some noise let the world rejoice/
for Christmas this year/
for Christmas/
For Christmas this year/

Holy Holy holy/
God is coming near/
onto us a savior born/
on a midnight clear/
[end]

New discoveries...

For the first time in my life, I can state that I just spent an entire weekend with my boyfriend...what a peculiar and awesome experience! In person even, not a 2-D Skype conversation! He actually showed up and hung out with me & my friends in my town! It was an intensely wonderful few days; there's nothing that I would choose to cut out, but I can't help wish there hadn't been quite so much "stuff" packed into so short a time frame. There just weren't quite enough hours between picking Caleb up in the mornings & dropping him back off at night (he stayed at my pastor's house.)


In spite of the busyness, I am discovering that having a boyfriend is just as much fun as I always thought it could. At the time I'm writing this, I'm curled up on the couch feeling extremely warm & fuzzy  - both because I'm enjoying my memories of the last few days, and because I'm wearing my new cozy soft hoodie representing his alma mater (my Christmas present!)

As I've been pondering my interactions with Caleb, something else has also been playing in my mind. God has been revealing to me in a deeper way lately what it means that HE loves me, and how my identity is based in Him. Obviously I'm bit distracted these days, so it's been taking a deliberate effort to remember & ponder that truth in the course of my days & the events that unfold. What's been fun to discover is that as Caleb is gradually revealing glimpses of how he feels about me, God is doing the same. Part of that comes into play in simply hearing God whisper that He wants me to be blessed as Caleb & I are progressing & figuring out this exciting new relationship. Part of it is when Caleb does make a sweet comment or smiles in a way that I'm learning indicates he's enjoying my company, I can sense God's smile and support and muchness (for lack of a better word!), promising me that He, my King & Savior & Father, enjoys & delights in me even more.

Of course, no boyfriend, no matter how marvelous, will ever be a perfect representation of Christ. I fully anticipate that there will be days & conversations in the months ahead where Caleb will say or do something that hurts or cause me to risk being offended. It's a part of being in any type of relationship with fallen people! The good news is that I don't have to fear that with God. He is the one "Lover of my soul" that can & will always guarantee to be there for me, will always love me, and will never be disappointed in me. Even when I fail, my Heavenly Bridegroom is standing ready to welcome me back to His presence with arms wide open to catch me as I fall. He truly knows my heart, my dreams, my heartaches, my temptations, my passions & my fears... and still delights in & cherishes me.

I've always loved fairy tales - Beauty & the Beast, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, etc. They are tales of romance & adventure, of a lonely girl being saved by a strong man who sees her true beauty and worth & values her when no one else does. I'm definitely a romantic at heart. Taking the first steps down what I hope will be my own story to share someday with my children is a thrilling experience! Yet I've also learned over the years that the only One who can ever fullfill those longings completely is Jesus. Only in Him can I securely rest in the greatest love story of all.

Adventures

I had a good chat with an old friend the other day, catching up on recent life events and opportunities. She's at a point where it appears that God may be asking a pretty huge step of her, and she is trying to weigh out what she wants, what God wants, and where the lines fall between faith and foolishness. It was a fun conversation, as we discussed heart issues, dreams, and how God interacts with us. The primary point, or 'message' as you will, was adventure.

Stirring somewhere down inside my heart & brain is an exciting adventure story. Whether it will be fiction, allegorical or motivational is yet to be seen, as is whether or not I will ever succeed in putting it in words! The primary theme of my unplotted tale, however, is of an elite team of specially trained agents bent on taking over the world... not with guns, bombs and tanks, or with lies, propaganda and coercion. Their mission, (should they choose to accept it?!) is to spy out the land, determine targets, take aim, and change a city... a region... a state... a nation... a continent... a hemisphere... a planet...

one life at time.

Their weapons? Prayer. Prophecy. Wisdom. Healing. Compassion. Truth. Submission. Obedience. Faith. Love. An unfightable combination of power that catches a soul off guard and changes them forever. A growing force that can not be stopped, and each conquest, instead of bringing exhaustion and a time of rest, inspires further heroics and a greater eagerness and burning need to do it again, to impact someone else. Each apparent defeat does not result in despair, but an opportunity to restrategize, employ patience, and leave the situation in peace, trusting that the Commander in Chief's master plan is unchanged and perfectly effective.

This tale should not be fiction. It should be a documentary, chronicling the adventures and deeds of the greatest army the world has ever imagined - an army who is successful beyond all measure, yet leaves no bloodshed in it's wake. An army that grows larger with each victory, because the defeated set aside their old ways and voluntarily join the victors, eager to joyfully impact the next life they encounter.

It should be the story of the Church. A nation, a family who simultaneously recognize and work to conquer their own weaknesses while sharing everything they know of the truth with starving people. We should be feeding the poor, protecting the widows, adopting the orphans, guiding the lost, healing the sick, and providing a light and a map to the blind and the confused.

We should be impacting the world around us in such a way that strangers want what we have, family members are lining up to be saved, and friends and coworkers are asking what this Jesus thing is all about.

Why did we lose it? Why did the God's children not maintain? How do we recover, and return to the place He desires us to be in?

Are you interested in being a part of a powerful, energetic team like that? Do you want to change the world?
Do I?

God's Awesomeness

As if I wasn't floating enough as it was (ya know, the whole, "I HAVE A BOYFRIEND!" thing), God blessed me yet again in another crazy way.

My car has been having major issues over the last year. To be more specific, a 2000 Dodge Intrepid (2.7L engine) is not worth the over 2Grand I've dumped into it over the last 12-14 months. When it died a couple weeks ago it cost me $500 to determine that I had to stop the mechanic from doing any more work on it and I had to dump it and try again with a different vehicle.

The last week has been spent looking for a new car. I'm trying to get out of debt, so am not willing to take on a car loan at this point. What I need to do is find a cheap car that is going to work well for a 3-5 years, long enough for me to save up enough to get a little nicer of a vehicle.

A friend from back home (with a knack for mechanics and a hobby for fixing cars) decided that he wants my Intrepid, and he knows somebody with a '96 Pontiac Grand Am for sale - 140,000 miles, new tires, new alternator, $1000. Sounds like a good deal, and I can pay cash, resigned to the fact that it will pretty much strip out my savings account.

Yesterday somebody handed me an envelope, informing me that they were just delivering it, and had nothing to do with the contents. Inside was a note from an aquaintance, explaining that he'd heard about my car issues and that God prompted him to help me out (he knew mine died, did not know that I had an option for a new one). He requested that thanks go to God, not to him.

Inside the envelope - in cash - was the exact amount that the Grand Am costs.

The Reason Why

I realized lately that most blogs have a theme, a reason & purpose for their existence, be it photography, self-improvement, recipes, or crafts. This led me to think about my blog, and wonder if I was failing in having an adequate reason for sharing my thoughts. Then I realized that the purpose of me starting a blog was to get myself to write more. IE, as long as I'm writing, I'm succeeding in the purpose of my blog. If it doesn't interest others, no one else has to read it. I'm content now.
 With that out of the way...

I have recently embarked on a new season of my life. After years of praying, dreaming, and wondering where on earth a man could come from, it looks like the wait might just be over.

Don't get me wrong - this is just the beginnings of a relationship, a courtship for lack of a better term at the time being. I don't know what the future holds, or what God's plan is at this time. It is exciting, however. I've prayed for years for my husband, asking God to bring him in the right timing. I've listened to the boyfriends of my friends share with me how special their girls are, how beautiful they are. I've watched friends progress through relationships, took notes, and wondered when my turn would come. I've cried out to God, asking when, and reminding Him that His plan would be best, but pleading for certain things to happen.

Request: He approaches my dad, asks for his permission before ever letting me know of his interest.

Check.

Request:dream.

Check.

Request:dream.

Check.

Of course, some things are not quite the way I dreamed... he is younger than me, but that's not so big a deal as I used to think it would be. He does live 1500 miles away, but with cell phones, skype, email and airports, that's doable.

It's not all about the way he did things that got my attention, of course. There are aspects of who this young man is that are what I've been looking for, too. More will have to be determined as things progress, of course; we have a lot of ground to cover yet as we build our friendship and get to know each other better.

Out of all the places that I considered possibilities for somebody to appear out of, my distant past and the opposite end of the country hadn't been on list. Not that I was opposed, it just never occurred to me. Guess that's why God is who He is.

It will be interesting to see what the weeks ahead hold!

Socially Awkward

I took  D'Artagnan (D'Art for short, ignore the apostrophe for pronunciation), to the dog park a couple of times this week. The discovery: my dog is socially awkward. To make it worse, I realized that he reminds me of myself 15 years ago. Just to clarify, I did not exhibit control issues in quite the same way as my male dog (who is well on his way to marking the entire park as his) - but there may be some similarities in the desire to have control. What's more obvious, however, is interacting with peers. In my early teens I wasn't sure how to make friends, although I desperately wanted to. Just as D'Art pinpoints which dogs are having the most fun, and follows them around trying to figure out how to join in, I tagged along on the outskirts of groups of teens, waiting for them to eventually notice me and decide to include me. And, just like D'Art, I was always attracted to little kids, and wanted to play with them any chance I got. :)

Kind of pathetic... at least the shyness and awkwardness around my peers. I was thankful and blessed to have a couple of girls who decided they wanted me as a friend, and gradually pulled me out of my shell and into their circles. Hopefully D'Art gets welcomed by a few dogs with comparable friendliness.

I found this picture online the other day, and was struck by both it's beauty and how the artist captured the heart of Christ in the portrayal. There are so many aspects of God's character, that it's easy to concentrate on the "key elements" of salvation - love, yes, but also holiness, justice & forgiveness.

Isn't it time we showed the world around us the joy that our Lord experiences joy spending time with his children? Do they have any idea that He laughs? That being with Him is fun? That there truly is no greater joy & peace than being in His presence?

Do we believe it ourselves? 

Faith

As a result of my pastor being out of town for several weeks, I agreed to preach for the Sunday service a couple of weeks ago. I reviewed notes from my journal from the past few years, and picked a topic that God's spoken to me about in the past to talk about, that shouldn't be too difficult to pull a decent message out of.

As is often the case, an interesting phenomena happened as I started preparing for the sermon. The area of life that I was planning to speak on became a weak point. As I sought to hear what God wanted to speak to the church, I became aware only of what He wanted to speak to me.

Faith.

It seems such an innocuous word. Faith. Trust. Belief. Christians toss it around carelessly, unbelievers have it in their vocabulary without having a clue of the depth of what it is. "I have faith in you!" "Just have more faith." "Do you have faith?"

What does it mean?

Hebrews 11, the infamous faith chapter, starts off by explaining that it is, "the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen." James tells us how to use it, and what it can do. In my teens, when wrestling with the issue of, What is this, and how does it apply to MY life? I felt God show me a word picture: Faith is opening a strange door in an unfamiliar house, and walking into a completely dark room knowing there will be a floor to hold you up. Martin Luther King Jr. had the same understanding, when he said, "Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase."

What does this mean in my daily life? 

Well, at the moment, it means that God has promised me some things that I don't see or understand how he can or will ever bring to fruition. I'm struggling with that, to be honest. Part of me wants to give up... not because I don't want them, but because I so desperately DO! It hurts to watch the years tick by and see the circumstances become more and more hopeless appearing. I believe that these are dreams and callings God's given me, in addition to believing that He has promised them to me, and I want to see them happen. It's like looking a dark tunnel, however, and no matter how many bends I circle, I never seem to come to the light at the end. It feels like it would be so much easier to just give up, turn my back, and face life with a new direction, a new purpose, a new calling, and embrace it, forgetting the old one ever existed. If it's not going to happen, let's get on with it, face reality and find something new to dream and plan!

That's not reality though. It's deception & fear, creeping in to undermine and damage the promise I'm supposed to cling to. If I'm going to claim that I know the One who holds the future, I need to cling to that faith, and hold to the truth. Faith is, as C.S. Lewis said, "The art of holding onto things your reason has once accepted, in spite of your changing moods." J.R.R. Tolkien warned that, "Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens."

The summary? God gave me a promise. His Word is Truth. My job is to cling to that truth, and not let fear and doubt distort my vision. These days may look dark, but there is a light ahead... somewhere. I'll see it yet.

That's what faith is.

Jesus, all for Jesus...

    I saw a woman today, embraced by two dear friends she used to live near. She moved to a distant town to follow God's call and fulfill His plan for her life. The three women wept with the pain of love of separation.

All I am and have...

    I saw a man today, facing the flames that destroyed his home and possessions. Faced with the loss, his only response as he looked forward to caring for his wife & children was, "Praise the Lord." He pushed on, at peace in the knowledge that God was in control.

And ever hope to be...

    I saw a generation of new leaders today. Torn by desires, passions and confusion over unknown future decisions regarding jobs, spouses, cities and children, they danced in the wonder and joy of a Great and Holy God.

For it's only in Your will that I am free.