As a result of my pastor being out of town for several weeks, I agreed to preach for the Sunday service a couple of weeks ago. I reviewed notes from my journal from the past few years, and picked a topic that God's spoken to me about in the past to talk about, that shouldn't be too difficult to pull a decent message out of.
As is often the case, an interesting phenomena happened as I started preparing for the sermon. The area of life that I was planning to speak on became a weak point. As I sought to hear what God wanted to speak to the church, I became aware only of what He wanted to speak to me.
Faith.
It seems such an innocuous word. Faith. Trust. Belief. Christians toss it around carelessly, unbelievers have it in their vocabulary without having a clue of the depth of what it is. "I have faith in you!" "Just have more faith." "Do you have faith?"
What does it mean?
Hebrews 11, the infamous faith chapter, starts off by explaining that it is, "the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen." James tells us how to use it, and what it can do. In my teens, when wrestling with the issue of, What is this, and how does it apply to MY life? I felt God show me a word picture: Faith is opening a strange door in an unfamiliar house, and walking into a completely dark room knowing there will be a floor to hold you up. Martin Luther King Jr. had the same understanding, when he said, "Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase."
What does this mean in my daily life?
Well, at the moment, it means that God has promised me some things that I don't see or understand how he can or will ever bring to fruition. I'm struggling with that, to be honest. Part of me wants to give up... not because I don't want them, but because I so desperately DO! It hurts to watch the years tick by and see the circumstances become more and more hopeless appearing. I believe that these are dreams and callings God's given me, in addition to believing that He has promised them to me, and I want to see them happen. It's like looking a dark tunnel, however, and no matter how many bends I circle, I never seem to come to the light at the end. It feels like it would be so much easier to just give up, turn my back, and face life with a new direction, a new purpose, a new calling, and embrace it, forgetting the old one ever existed. If it's not going to happen, let's get on with it, face reality and find something new to dream and plan!
That's not reality though. It's deception & fear, creeping in to undermine and damage the promise I'm supposed to cling to. If I'm going to claim that I know the One who holds the future, I need to cling to that faith, and hold to the truth. Faith is, as C.S. Lewis said, "The art of holding onto things your reason has once accepted, in spite of your changing moods." J.R.R. Tolkien warned that, "Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens."
The summary? God gave me a promise. His Word is Truth. My job is to cling to that truth, and not let fear and doubt distort my vision. These days may look dark, but there is a light ahead... somewhere. I'll see it yet.
That's what faith is.
Jesus, all for Jesus...
I saw a woman today, embraced by two dear friends she used to live near. She moved to a distant town to follow God's call and fulfill His plan for her life. The three women wept with the pain of love of separation.
All I am and have...
I saw a man today, facing the flames that destroyed his home and possessions. Faced with the loss, his only response as he looked forward to caring for his wife & children was, "Praise the Lord." He pushed on, at peace in the knowledge that God was in control.
And ever hope to be...
I saw a generation of new leaders today. Torn by desires, passions and confusion over unknown future decisions regarding jobs, spouses, cities and children, they danced in the wonder and joy of a Great and Holy God.
For it's only in Your will that I am free.
I took D'Artagnan (D'Art for short, ignore the apostrophe for pronunciation), to the dog park a couple of times this week. The discovery: my dog is socially awkward. To make it worse, I realized that he reminds me of myself 15 years ago. Just to clarify, I did not exhibit control issues in quite the same way as my male dog (who is well on his way to marking the entire park as his) - but there may be some similarities in the desire to have control. What's more obvious, however, is interacting with peers. In my early teens I wasn't sure how to make friends, although I desperately wanted to. Just as D'Art pinpoints which dogs are having the most fun, and follows them around trying to figure out how to join in, I tagged along on the outskirts of groups of teens, waiting for them to eventually notice me and decide to include me. And, just like D'Art, I was always attracted to little kids, and wanted to play with them any chance I got. :)
