Why Does a Biblically-Defined Marriage Matter? (part 1)

 The definition of marriage is one of the hottest topics in our nation lately. Emotions flair on both sides, and most arguments seem to come down to one of two perspectives:

• Marriage is a social convention created by man, and it's only fair that its legal definition be expanded. Those who refuse to accept this are narrow minded bigots who hate people who aren't like them.
• Marriage was created by God, who says that homosexuality is a sin. Therefore, we must fight tooth & nail against the forces of this fallen world to protect what God has established.

 What frustrates me is that I don't see the Church - the followers of Jesus Christ - explaining WHY. Everyone wants to know why rules exist - just ask any 3 year old! Hitting our neighbors over the head with, "Because God said so," isn't going to change their mind; instead it confirms to them that we really don't know what we're talking about and are blindly following our religion. 

Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth."

So God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them."
     ~ Genesis 1:26-27

 Genesis chapter 2 gives more details on the creation of mankind, explaining that God originally created man (Adam) alone, then said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him." God then removed one of Adam's ribs and fashioned Eve, the first woman.

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. ~Genesis 2:24

 Right there: God created marriage. Throughout the remainder of the Old Testament we find the lives of various people recorded, and see their good decisions and bad. The narrative does not always specify a judgement, but records the history to allow us to see how God worked and His love for all people, regardless of their shortcomings. Many of these men had multiple wives - nowhere does God condone this, but He allowed them to make their own choices, just as we have free will today. Often we find it resulted in trials and strife for the man & his family that could have been avoided by following God's plan and choosing to be content with his first wife.

Meanwhile, this still doesn't explain the why. 

For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is his name; and the Holy One of Israel is your redeemer, the God of the whole earth he is called. ~ Isaiah 54: 5

For as a young man marries a young woman,
so shall your sons marry you,
and as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride,
so shall your God rejoice over you. ~Isaiah 62:5

The one who has the bride is the bridegroom. The friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly at the bridegroom’s voice. Therefore this joy of mine is now complete. ~John 3:29

Let us rejoice and exult
and give him the glory,
for the marriage of the Lamb has come,
and his Bride has made herself ready; ~Revelation 19:7

Men & women are different. It goes deeper than emotional differences, deeper than clothing styles, deeper than social constructs. Our DNA is different. Our Designer created us to be different. We complement each other. We work well together, bringing different strengths to a partnership. Although everyone is unique and not everyone’s personality looks like their gender’s stereotype, the basic chemistry and soul of a man is still very different than a woman. And it’s good!

Both men & women are created in God’s image, yet He creatively and specifically gave us very different characteristics. Men are created to reflect the Father heart of God, and His passion and delight over a bride. Men are, traditionally, the pursuers – just like God is! Men are the protectors, both physically (no one can deny that the average man is significantly stronger than the average woman) and in their heart. I’ve been struck with this just watching and learning to understand my husband better; we both are intensely motivated to protect our children (and each other), but he (and, I assume, most men) face it as an action. He wants to face the enemy (be it human, situation problem, etc.) and conquer it, ensuring it does not harm his family. Women, meanwhile, based on my own experience, usually face protection from an empathy position. I want to hide my children from danger, not letting them come in contact with harm. The end result may look very similar, but there is a difference. Women are designed to be an image of the Church, a bride pursued, cherished, passionate about their Bridegroom, and willing to do whatever it takes to be in a close, intimate relationship with the One they love.

 God created us as humans to be His friends, His chosen creation. He walked with Adam and Eve in the garden before they sinned, enjoying their presence. HE - God - created the institution of marriage as a symbolic picture for us of His love and His desire for us! He doesn't desire us in a sexual or carnal way - God is not a sexual being - but the multifaceted intimacy that we share with our spouses is an example to us of the intense love and passion that God has for us. We (believers who have given our lives to the Lord Jesus) are called, "the Bride of Christ." He is eagerly awaiting the day we are united in holy perfection, and is planning a wedding feast to celebrate that day! 

 This is why we as Christians cling to the "sanctity of marriage." A wedding is not a government recognized contract between two people. A marriage is not a social construct designed to make us feel less lonely or give us a companion through life. A wedding is the union of a man, who is a picture of God the Father and His Son, Jesus, to a woman, who is a picture of the Church. A husband's delight in his bride is an imperfect picture, but a picture non-the-less, of the passion, love, jealousy and protective nature that God has towards His people. A wife's trust, joy and commitment towards her husband is an illustration of the passion and unhindered dedication that we should exhibit in our relationship with God.

 Years ago, while I was frustrated and wondering where my earthly husband was, God led me to the Song of Solomon. As I read and studied the intimate words back and forth that the two lovers shared, God opened my eyes to a new understanding of who He is, and how He treasures me as His daughter, as His creation, and as His bride. When I wrote down a list of the reasons I craved a husband, He revealed how He himself met those areas, and could fulfill my heart's cravings if I allowed Him. (Again, note this is not in a sexual way - I don't want to cause confusion here!)

•  I crave security - In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety. (Psalm 4:8)
•  I was lonely - For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed,” says the LORD, who has compassion on you.(Isaiah 54:10)
•  I wanted to be loved and treasured - The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. (Zephaniah 3:17)

 The list could go on much longer, but hopefully I've made my point. God did not give us marriage (or any other "rule") arbitrarily. He designed it with a purpose - to point us towards a better understanding of who He is, and how He loves us. He created men & women to support each other, complement each other, and help each other see a more well-rounded perspective of Him as we bring our separate strengths and weaknesses to a relationship. God did also determine that a marriage relationship was the best option for children - ideally, our sons and daughters will grow up seeing the Father Heart of God as they are loved, protected and disciplined by their earthly fathers, and see God's gentleness, the comfort of His Holy Spirit as they are nurtured and cradled by their mothers.

Read Part 2 here.