Continuing yesterday's thought...

Yesterday, when I shared my journal entry from almost two years ago, I mentioned that it related to something that has been on my mind. More specifically, the last paragraph is what held my attention.

When I turn away from surrender, saying 'no' either in a conscious decision or in a fearful stalemate, something in my spirit dies. I lose intimacy with Christ. Fear creeps in where peace should reign. I run from the presence of my King, longing to be restored yet trembling at what He will require. I forget that He has promised to forgive, and that He still sees me as beloved daughter & treasured bride.

I realized this past week that this is where I have been lately. It was a horrible, icky feeling, discovering and acknowledging areas of rebellion in my heart.

There is so much to be said on this topic beyond one lowly paragraph, and yet, that paragraph seems to sum it all up quite well. Rebellion, fear, saying 'no' to Christ leads to only one thing: the slow poisoning of our soul. We can hide it, ignore it, even be unaware of it for a time. In the end, however, if left unchecked, it will erode and destroy our ability to love, our ability to hear God's voice, and our desire to partake in activities that will feed us, rather then distract or even continue to destroy everything good & righteous in our lives.

Does that sound too harsh or extreme? I don't think so. Thankfully, my Father has blessed me with wonderful friends, one of whom had the courage, insight and love for me to ask the hard questions and point out where I slipped. As a result, my progress down that traitorous fall has been halted. Damage has been done, however, and it will take time to recover, to replace the lies with truth, and to rebuild habits I've fallen out of. For those who don't listen to the warnings along the way, however, the repercussions are severe. Unease, fear, distrust, restlessness, crabbiness, resentment, and bitterness are all among the traps and consequences of a life lived apart from God. Even if your eternity is still guaranteed, even if your life is still bearing some fruit, even if
 all outward signs indicate that you're walking out the road intended, you can still be an inward mess, knowing that things are not ok.

Sadly, not only the individual is affected. The testimony of a life lived for Christ is hindered. Lives that are meant to be impacted are not, or not to the fullest extent possible. Friends aren't encouraged or inspired or held accountable. Books may not be written. Even worse, damage can be done. A side comment or a moment of anger or spite can cause unknown pain to another. It may result in a friend or acquantance developing a negative perspective of, "that's what Christians are like." The potential and possibilities are endless.

Therefore, holy brethren, partakers of the heavenly calling, consider the Apostle and High Priest of our confession, Christ Jesus,who was faithful to Him who appointed Him, as Moses also was faithful in all His house. For this One has been counted worthy of more glory than Moses, inasmuch as He who built the house has more honor than the house. For every house is built by someone, but He who built all things is God. And Moses indeed was faithful in all His house as a servant, for a testimony of those things which would be spoken afterward, but Christ as a Son over His own house, whose house we are if we hold fast the confidence and the rejoicing of the hope firm to the end. Therefore, as the Holy Spirit says: "Today, if you will hear His voice, Do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion, In the day of trial in the wilderness, Where your fathers tested Me, tried Me, And saw My works forty years. Therefore I was angry with that generation, And said, 'They always go astray in [their] heart, And they have not known My ways.' So I swore in My wrath, 'They shall not enter My rest.' Beware, brethren, lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief in departing from the living God; but exhort one another daily, while it is called "Today," lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin. For we have become partakers of Christ if we hold the beginning of our confidence steadfast to the end, while it is said: "Today, if you will hear His voice, Do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion." For who, having heard, rebelled? Indeed, [was it] not all who came out of Egypt, [led] by Moses?  ~Hebrews 3:1-16